


To Be or Not To Be

by alchemicink



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: Batman - Freeform, Captain Jack Sparrow - Freeform, Crack Fic, Edward Scissorhands - Freeform, Gandalf - Freeform, Gen, Gokusen - Freeform, Hamlet - Freeform, Harry Potter - Freeform, Humor, Inaccurate representation of the hundred yen shop again, Lord of the Rings, Parody, Pokemon - Freeform, School Kakumei, Yankumi - Freeform, ash ketchum - Freeform, doctor who - Freeform, excessive use of movie quotes, pirates of the caribbean - Freeform, random cameos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2014-07-24
Packaged: 2018-02-10 04:42:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2011317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alchemicink/pseuds/alchemicink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yabu challenges JUMP to be a famous fictional character for a week. Weird things happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Be or Not To Be

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to pick characters that most people would be familiar with, but I'm no good at that sort of thing, so I apologize if you read this and say "who the heck is that person?!" And I apologize in particular to Doctor Who fandom because I'm not as familiar with the series as I could be. Hopefully it all turned out well!
> 
> Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not meant to be completely accurate representations of real people. It's just for fun! Also, any and all movie/TV/book quotes in this story should be credited to the original work. I'm just borrowing for the sake of humor.

**Sunday**  
“Acting is hard work,” Yamada proclaimed to the group. They were all gathered together at Yabu’s apartment to hang out for the evening before they had to go back to work on Monday. Somehow the discussion had come to the subject of acting because of all the dramas and stage plays they had been involved in over the years.

“It’s not so bad because it’s fun,” Daiki said. 

“But I agree with Yamada,” Hikaru cut in. “Getting into the head of your character is intense sometimes.” 

“That’s because you always get the really weird roles,” Inoo said with a laugh. Hikaru just gave him a deadpan glare in response.

“Acting is more than just saying the lines of your character,” Yuto said. “You have to work hard to make the character into a real person.” 

The whole group nodded in agreement with Yuto’s surprisingly thoughtful statement. 

“Sometimes it’s almost like you have to become your character,” Chinen added. 

Yabu suddenly had a very devious look on his face. It was one of those smiles that they probably didn’t want to know what he was going to say next. Takaki was the first to notice. 

“Uh-oh, Yabu’s got an idea,” he said. 

“I have a challenge,” Yabu announced with a grin. They could almost see the metaphorical devil horns sticking out of the top of his head. He rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Keito said with a shudder and inched away slowly. 

“The challenge is this: each person has to pick a famous fictional character and act as them for a whole week,” Yabu explained. “No breaking character or you lose.”

There was a stunned silence around the room as everyone contemplated what they’d just heard. Yabu pulled out a sheet of paper in order to write down the list of characters they would pick.

“I’m Batman!” Inoo exclaimed, jumping up with excitement and breaking the silence. He looked incredibly pleased with his choice even though it had been an apparently quick decision. Yabu nodded and wrote it down.

Yamada’s eyes lit up. “I want to be Sherl—”

“You’re not allowed to pick Sherlock Holmes,” Yabu said quickly, cutting him off. He pointed his finger accusingly into the younger guy’s face. “You play detectives all the time.” 

Yamada pouted for only a second before saying, “In that case, I want to be Gandalf from _The Lord of the Rings._ ” 

Half the group automatically gave Yamada a confused side-eye glance for the random choice. It was kind of weird for his sudden second choice to be an old wizard. 

“Gandalf the Grey or Gandalf the White?” Yabu asked, taking it all in stride. His pencil hovered over the paper, waiting for the answer. 

“The Grey of course. He was more fun and had a hat,” Yamada explained, complete with a nonchalant shrug. 

“Next?” Yabu called out.

Keito tentatively raised his hand. “I want to be The Doctor.”

“What doctor?”

“ _The_ Doctor,” Keito said. Everyone looked confused. “From _Doctor Who_.” He was met with eight blank stares. “It’s British,” he finally said with a resigned sigh.

“Oh,” they said collectively and nodded. Keito was slightly disappointed but he also figured the challenge would be easier for him since no one would know whether he was acting out of character or not. 

“Ooh, speaking of British things,” Daiki said, “I want to be Harry Potter.” 

Yabu scribbled the name down. “That’s not surprising.” 

Takaki, who had previously been sitting in a corner with his arms crossed while he thought very hard about his options, had finally reached a decision. “Yankumi,” he simply said.

Everyone turned to look at him in disbelief. He looked confused as to why the group was confused. “What?” 

“Yankumi? You mean the main character in _Gokusen_? … _The girl_?!” Yabu asked. He wanted to make sure Takaki had really thought this through. 

Takaki nodded seriously. 

“Does it count as cheating because Takaki was in a season of _Gokusen_?” Inoo asked. 

Yabu shrugged. “Well he wasn’t playing Yankumi,” he pointed out. “So it’s okay.” He wrote it down. This was turning out to be a really weird list so far. Not that he had expected any different, of course.

Yuto began enthusiastically waving his hand in the air for attention. “I’ve decided! I’ve decided!” he shouted. 

“Yes?”

“Captain Jack Sparrow!” Yuto proclaimed with pride. Nobody looked particularly surprised. Yuto was a Johnny Depp fanboy and his role in _Pirates of the Caribbean_ was one of his favorites. Out of all the characters chosen so far, Yuto probably was the one most suited to play what he had picked. 

“Alright,” Yabu nodded. “And I’m going to be Hamlet.”

Just like when Keito had picked his character, the room was again filled with blank stares. Except for Keito, who just nodded in understanding.

“Is that really a famous fictional character?” Takaki asked. He tilted his head to the side as he tried to figure out who Hamlet was.

Yabu blinked. “It’s Shakespeare. Hamlet is the title character.” Everyone still looked like they had no idea what he was talking about. Except for Keito, who now looked bored. 

“It’s a tragic play where Hamlet plots revenge for his father’s untimely death and pretends to be crazy for a while.” No reaction from the group (minus Keito, who yawned). “He’s the guy who said ‘To be or not to be.’” Surely they must at least be familiar with the quote?

“It’s British,” Keito finally said.

“Oh,” they said collectively and nodded. Yabu didn’t even bother to point out that the character of Hamlet was from Denmark.

“Moving on to more interesting characters,” Chinen interrupted. “I want to be Ash Ketchum and become a Pokémon master.” 

That seemed like an odd choice for Chinen, but nobody questioned it. Yabu scribbled down the name rather quickly. He was still sort of upset that nobody knew who Hamlet was. 

They finally turned to Hikaru since he was the only one left. He had been silent during the entire conversation, seriously pondering which character he should choose to spend a whole week as. 

“Edward Scissorhands,” he finally spoke, using his most serious tone of voice. Yuto looked half-excited and half-annoyed he didn’t think of the idea himself. 

“Is it cheating if we have two characters originally played by Johnny Depp?” Inoo asked.

“I’ll allow it,” Yabu said. Hikaru was a bit of a method actor and he was curious to see what he’d do as the strange character that actually had scissors for hands. He looked over the odd list of characters he’d written down. “So that’s it, I guess,” he concluded. “We’ll start tomorrow at work.” 

Yamada stood up. “I’ve got to go buy a fake beard,” he announced. The group still gave him some weird looks for randomly choosing the old wizard.

Yuto followed suit and stood up too. “I’ve got to go buy some rum and then get drunk.”

“…you know you don’t have to start the challenge until tomorrow, right?” Inoo pointed out.

Yuto just grinned. “Practice makes perfect!”

 

**Monday (Day 1)**  
They had dance practice first thing Monday morning, and for the first time ever, JUMP all showed up for it early just so they could have an excuse to show off their character costumes. (Despite the fact that they had all run into each other late Sunday night at the hundred yen shop to buy said costumes. It was amazing the things you could find if you looked hard enough. Who knew?)

Keito and Chinen walked in first. Keito’s outfit looked rather normal since he was just wearing a dark old-fashioned suit. Chinen was dressed in more casual clothes: jeans and a blue jacket which perfectly suited a Pokémon trainer. His outfit was completed with Ash’s trademark red and white hat and a Pikachu plushie resting on his shoulder.

“Who are you again?” Chinen asked.

“I’m the First Doctor,” Keito explained. 

“Uh-huh,” Chinen said somewhat skeptically because he wasn’t familiar with _Doctor Who_ at all.

“He’s a Time Lord and he travels around time and space with the TARDIS,” Keito explained. 

“Is the TARDIS a special kind of Pokémon?” Chinen asked.

Keito shook his head. “It’s… a telephone booth. Well, I mean, it looks like a telephone booth.” 

Chinen nodded and pulled out what looked to be a Pokédex to make a note of that. At that same moment, Takaki walked in with an excited grin and Daiki followed close behind. 

“Good morning everyone!” Takaki said with enthusiasm. He was dressed in Yankumi’s trademark jersey and was wearing round glasses. He pulled an empty can out of his bag and raised it up high. “Let’s all go play Kick the Can together!” 

Keito and Chinen ignored Takaki’s suggestion because they were distracted by what Daiki was wearing. He was in the normal-looking Hogwarts robes and even had Harry’s round glasses, but on top of his head rested a large black pointy hat with a floppy brim. 

“Is that the Sorting Hat on your head?” Keito asked. 

Daiki nodded. “I’ve just started my first year at Hogwarts and I’m waiting to see what house I’ll be in.” 

Yuto walked in next with all the swagger of a pirate and was decked out fully in Captain Jack Sparrow’s leather clothing. He looked around a moment as if he was confused by where he was. “This isn’t my ship,” he said with narrowed eyes and then shrugged. “No matter,” he said and took a drink from his hip flask. No one dared to ask what was in there.

“Ah, the legendary pirate Pokémon,” Chinen said quietly and made another note in his Pokédex. 

During all this, Inoo had silently slipped into the room. His dark-colored Batman costume covered his entire body except for his mouth. Keito turned around and made a startled jump when he noticed Inoo standing in the corner. 

“Inoo?” 

“I’m Batman,” Inoo answered in a gruff voice. He raised his arm slowly and then pointed to the door with one gloved finger. “Look over there.” 

The group collectively looked over their shoulders for a second, but nothing was there. When they turned around, Inoo had disappeared and the only thing left behind was an open window and the curtain blowing in the gentle breeze. 

“So I guess the giant Zubat’s not coming to dance practice?” Chinen asked. 

The same gruff voice called out from somewhere outside the window. “Batman doesn’t dance.” 

But before anyone could wonder about Inoo’s apparently newfound ability to not die after jumping out a fourth floor window, Yabu and Hikaru walked in together. Yabu looked like he’d just jumped out of a Victorian-era painting. His outfit was all frills, embroidered fabric, and fancy boots. “Good dawning to thee, friends!” he greeted with a wave. Apparently he was going to start off as a more cheerful Hamlet, one that would have existed right before the story began and before Hamlet discovered that his father had been murdered and his uncle was marrying his mother. But it didn’t really matter since nobody but Keito even knew the story anyway. “How now, Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, Yorick!” 

Nobody paid much attention to Yabu calling them random names since they’d just noticed that Hikaru had really taped several pairs of scissors to his hands. 

“What a weird-looking Scyther,” Chinen said to himself. He looked at his Pokédex profile for the grass-type Pokémon with scythes instead of hands. 

“How do you go to the bathroom like that, mate?” Yuto asked, leaning forward and looking at the scissors with concern. 

Hikaru involuntarily winced. “Very… carefully,” he answered slowly. 

The last member of the group, Yamada, finally showed up to the practice room while everyone was bombarding Hikaru with questions about his scissorhands. True to the character of Gandalf, Yamada was wearing his grey robes and hat along with a hilarious-looking fake grey beard. He’d opted out of wearing a wig for his hair though since he was already sporting silver hair for his upcoming movie. 

“You’re almost late for practice,” Daiki pointed out. He swatted at Yuto who was trying to steal his Sorting Hat. (The rum was affecting Yuto’s coordination more so than usual so he wasn’t having much luck.)

“A wizard is never late, Daiki Potter,” Yamada began in his best old man voice, “Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to.” He then gave Yuto a whack with the staff in his hand when Yuto also tried to steal his hat. 

Their choreographer was upset that they’d all shown up in costumes that were difficult to dance in, but he let it go since they had all shown up on time. (Well, Inoo _had_ been there early. He just hadn’t stuck around long enough to actually dance.) 

Practice itself was an interesting event since the wide variety of characters didn’t exactly know how to interact with anyone else. Chinen kept interrupting by throwing Pokéballs at the choreographer in an attempt to catch the “rare dancing Pokémon.” Daiki kept saying that he needed to go to library to look up spells to improve their dancing skills. Yuto, being really drunk from the rum, probably could have benefitted from a dancing spell because he kept losing his balance and running into Takaki. Of course, as the caring homeroom teacher that Takaki was, he just gave Yuto an inspirational speech about doing your best and never giving up. In the back of the group, Yabu behaved most of the time except for when Hikaru almost poked him in the eye with his scissors. With a dramatic flourish of his arms, Yabu shouted “O villain, villain, smiling, damned villain” at Hikaru, who just pretended to not understand what he was saying. 

Eventually, the choreographer just gave up and told them all to leave. He cancelled their practice sessions for the rest of the week and disappeared from the room as quickly as possible, dodging another flying Pokéball on the way. 

With a wholehearted smile, Takaki pulled out his empty can again. “Okay guys! Let’s go play a rousing game of Kick the Can!” When he turned around he realized he was the only person left in the room. “Guys?”

 

**Tuesday (Day 2)**  
Things began to look weird at the Johnny’s building on Tuesday morning. A bat-signal had mysteriously appeared on the roof. The juniors who discovered it flipped the switch to turn it on and waited to see what would happen. After about an hour, they saw a black blur fly by and land on the roof with a dramatic barrel roll. (He would have kept rolling but he collided with the railing on the edge.) Tossing his ruffled cape back over his shoulder, Batman-Inoo cleared his throat and then announced “I’m Batman” again, as if they hadn’t already known. Before the juniors could say anything else, Batman-Inoo pulled out a strange gadget, shot a wire to another roof, and then sailed away. The juniors shrugged and went back to work. 

In addition to the bat-signal on the roof, everyone noticed that the bushes growing outside the building had been trimmed and then sculpted into different shapes. No one could catch Hikaru-Scissorhands in the process of cutting the bushes, but everyone knew it had to be him. No one else had the artistic ability needed to create such lifelike-looking topiary. The rumor amongst the juniors was that Hikaru had chosen the character just so he could have an excuse to trim the bushes anyway.

~~~

“Has anybody seen—” Keito’s question was cut off as he lost his balance and pitched forward towards the floor. He’d tripped, _yet again_ , over the long multi-colored scarf he had wrapped around his neck. The Fourth Doctor was known for his trademark scarf, so it had seemed like a good idea at the time. Keito just hadn’t realized how easy it was to trip over. It was a good thing no one else was familiar with Doctor Who so he couldn’t be accused of accidentally breaking character.

“Has anybody seen Daiki?” Doctor-Keito asked as he pulled himself off the floor. “Uh, I mean, has anybody seen Harry Potter? Manager is looking for him.”

Captain Yuto had his legs propped up on the table in front of him and didn’t seem to mind that his boots were getting it dirty. “He said something about trying to find the Chamber of Secrets. I don’t know where that is.”

“Well, it’s not in the Johto Region,” Chinen the Pokémon Trainer answered. “I’ve already checked out all the Pokémon gyms there.” 

“Perhaps it’s near Mordor,” Gandalf-Yamada answered while thoughtfully stroking his grey beard. “Or maybe the Mines of Moria.” He stood up. “Perhaps we should gather together a Fellowship of Humans, Elves, and Dwarves to go on a journey to find this place.” 

Captain Yuto jumped up immediately with a gleam in his eye. With a grin he climbed up onto the table and rested one foot on the top of a chair. It was a pose he would have assumed if he were standing on the bow of a ship. “I’ll go with you. The Chamber of Secrets is probably filled with treasure. Hopefully not cursed treasure this time though.”

“Come along then,” Doctor-Keito said. “We’ll take my TARDIS.”

“I don’t think we’ll all fit into your telephone box thing,” Chinen said.

“It’s bigger on the inside,” Doctor-Keito replied. And as he turned around to leave the room, he tripped and fell over his scarf again. 

 

**Wednesday (Day 3)**  
On Wednesday, all the brooms in the building began to mysteriously disappear. Rumors spread amongst the juniors that Daiki Potter had been stealing them to play Quidditch. Eventually, a few of the bravest juniors ventured up to the roof to join in a game. It all went quite well (Daiki was about to catch the snitch) until he noticed Yokoyama watching from the sidelines. 

“It’s the notorious criminal Sirius Black!” Daiki Potter shouted and then fell off his broom in shock. 

Yokoyama hastily denied everything and ran away faster than Batman-Inoo. 

~~~

In another part of the building, Hasshi stuck his head into the break room while looking for Hikaru. “There you are,” he said. 

Hikaru-Scissorhands paused for a moment and looked up from the paper he was cutting into weird designs. He didn’t say anything but just tilted his head to the side. 

“We need your help,” Hasshi explained. “Yabu is angsty-monologuing in the lobby and causing a scene.” 

Hikaru-Scissorhands followed silently. Sure enough, Yabu was dressed in his Hamlet costume and was standing on a box in the middle of the floor. He was right in the middle of a monologue from Act II and a small crowd had gathered to watch.

“I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth, forgone all custom of exercises, and indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory. This most excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave o’erchanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire, why, it appears no other thing to me then a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours. What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason! How infinite in faculty! In form, in moving, how express and admirable! In action how like an angel! In apprehension how like a god! The beauty of the world! The paragon of animals! And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me; no, nor woman neither, though, by your smiling, you seem to say so.”

Even though no one understood what Yabu had been saying, the crowd immediately broke out into wild applause when he was finished. 

“See what I mean?” Hasshi said, turning to Hikaru. But Hikaru-Scissorhands had grown bored of the monologue halfway through and was busy trimming one of the potted plants by the doorway.

 

**Thursday (Day 4)**  
Gandalf-Yamada, Chinen the Pokémon Trainer, and Hikaru-Scissorhands showed up for _School Kakumei_ filming but the director absolutely refused to let them keep wearing their ridiculous costumes. (Especially Gandalf-Yamada’s long beard) The three of them, however, refused to lose the challenge by breaking character, so they took their regular seats wearing their normal outfits but their behavior continued to be completely in character. 

Hikaru, who had snuck his scissors past the director, had reattached them to his hands and spent the entire episode cutting pieces of paper into snowflakes so he didn’t have to talk. The crew was actually sort of terrified by his intense concentration and just left him alone. 

When no one was looking, Chinen had recovered his Pikachu plushie from somewhere and placed it back on his shoulder. He seemed to have made it his mission to answer as many questions with Pokémon names as possible. About halfway through filming, the crew had developed a drinking game for how many times Chinen could work a Pokémon name into his answers, and they had to chug their drinks every time he challenged someone to a Pokémon battle. The poor crew was wasted in no time and the camera work was getting to be noticeably sloppy. 

Yamada, however, was probably the worst of the three though because whenever anyone answered a question wrong, Yamada would shout “YOU SHALL NOT PAAAASSSS!” in true Gandalf form. The breaking point came when Kasuga answered a question wrong and Yamada’s response was to shout “Fool of Took! Rid us of your stupidity!” 

“What’s a Took?” Kouchi Yugo asked quietly to himself.

Chinen jumped up. “That’s it!” He pointed to Yamada. “I challenge you to a Pokémon battle!” He turned his baseball cap around backwards to show that he meant serious business.

The crew drunkenly cheered and pulled out their drinks again.

“Charizard, I choose you!” Chinen threw a plushie of Charizard that he had apparently been hiding under his chair the whole time. 

Yamada stood up and made the most intimidating pose he could muster up. “Your dragon doesn’t scare me. I’ve faced a dragon before.”

“Use your flamethrower, Charizard!” Chinen commanded, as if his little stuffed animal could actually light things on fire. Nothing happened. “Stop being so stubborn, Charizard!”

The director moved to stop the whole thing but Hikaru just lifted up his scissor-hands and waved them sort of threateningly. The director thought better of it and sat back down. 

In the end, they just aired a repeat episode of _School Kakumei_ on Sunday.

 

**Friday (Day 5)**  
Doctor Keito (currently in his tenth regeneration) spent Friday morning explaining the TARDIS and his sonic screwdriver to several curious juniors. As he gave the screwdriver a fancy flourish, everyone was distracted by Gandalf-Yamada sprinting through the doorway without a word and then exiting just as quickly out another door. Not a second later, Daiki Potter burst into the room as well.

“Don’t ignore me, Dumbledore!” Daiki shouted. He had his fists clenched in anger as he ran out the other door to continue chasing Gandalf-Yamada. “I know you’re hiding something from me!”

“Hm…” Keito said out loud as the juniors just stood there speechless. “It seems we have a case of mistaken identity. Must be the beard.” He made a hand motion to mimic stroking a beard and then carelessly waved the sonic screwdriver in the air again. He added as an afterthought, “Also, unexplainable rage is a side-effect of puberty. You’ll all learn that one day. Now…” he continued, “back to the Timey Wimey stuff.”

~~~

Chinen the Pokémon Trainer was on a mission to catch all the Pokémon and become the greatest Pokémon master. Unfortunately, he’d been unsuccessful so far in catching any Pokémon. The mysterious giant Zubat hadn’t been seen for days, so he decided to try catching another Pokémon instead. In order to set off on his quest to find more Pokémon though, Chinen knew he needed some sort of transportation. 

When he spotted a bike right outside the door, he knew it was going to be his lucky day. He jumped on and sped off with his Pikachu plushie on his shoulder. “I’m borrowing this!” he shouted out loud even though no one was around. “I’ll give it back someday!”

Daiki Potter, in his continuing search for the elusive Dumbledore, had just stepped outside. “Hey!” he called out as he watched Chinen ride the bike off into the sunset. “That’s my bike! He stole my bike!”

He looked around for help and noticed Captain Yuto leaning against the wall outside. “Did you see what happened? Why didn’t you stop him?”

Captain Yuto shrugged. “I didn’t know it was your bike, mate.” 

Daiki was beginning to feel even more annoyed than before. “Is that _really_ what happened? Are you telling me the truth?”

Now Yuto smirked. “Me, I’m dishonest. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. I mean honestly, it’s the honest ones you have to watch out for. Because you can never predict when they’re going to do something incredibly...stupid.” Right after he said this, Yuto made his escape by climbing up one of Hikaru-Scissorhands’s nicely-sculpted bushes and then promptly falling through an open window. 

Daiki Potter sighed and sat down on the sidewalk. “Life is so unfair today.”

“It’s just a phase,” Yankumi-Takaki said, startling Daiki. He turned to look over his shoulder and saw the jersey-clad boy standing behind him. “You can trust me. I’m a homeroom teacher,” he said proudly.

“Teachers suck,” Daiki muttered. But then he suddenly had a bright idea. “Hey Yankumi? Chinen stole my bike. Will you get it back for me?” 

“Of course I will! I’ll do anything for my students!” Yankumi-Takaki exclaimed. “And when I get back, we can play Kick the Can.” He sprinted off down the sidewalk.

It took a few moments before Daiki realized that Takaki had run off in the exact opposite direction that Chinen had gone. With another sigh, Daiki just laid his head down on his knees. 

 

**Saturday (Day 6)**  
No one was particularly happy about having to work on Saturday. Well, all except for Yankumi-Takaki who was grinning happily and feeling enthusiastic about everything. He was still dressed in his red jersey and wearing those round glasses. And he’d just spent half an hour giving everyone in the room a motivational speech, completely oblivious to the fact that none of them had been listening. 

Hamlet-Yabu, not wanting to be outdone in giving speeches, since that sort of _was_ his character’s specialty after all, immediately launched into the famous “to be or not to be” monologue from Act III. 

“To be or not to be,” he began in his most overdramatic voice, “that is the question. Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them? To die, to sleep—”

But he didn’t get any further into the speech because the loud noise of popping balloons filled the air. Turning around, Yabu saw Hikaru-Scissorhands standing in the corner of the room with the multi-colored remains of latex balloons scattered on his scissors and the floor. He didn’t even have the decency to look ashamed at the interruption. 

“Where did we get those balloons from anyway?” Doctor-Keito asked. 

“I brought them,” Yankumi-Takaki said. “I thought we could use them for something fun.” He turned to Hikaru. “Don’t worry about popping the balloons,” he said with a smile. “I know you didn’t mean it. I _believe_ in you.”

Hikaru-Scissorhands just blinked slowly a few times.

During all this, Hamlet-Yabu was just getting angrier and angrier at being interrupted during his best monologue before he was even a fourth of the way through it. And finally he just snapped and shouted at Takaki. “Get thee to a nunnery!” He pointed to the doorway for emphasis.

“Haahhh?” Yankumi-Takaki said in response. He narrowed his eyes and took off his glasses. The whole aura of the room seemed to turn darker.

And that’s when Yabu remembered that Yankumi wasn’t just a teacher in _Gokusen_ , but also the daughter of a yakuza boss. He suddenly wished he’d included a sword in his costume.

~~~

By lunchtime on Saturday, Daiki Potter had started to act really strange. He kept rambling on about lucky potions and being able to do anything. He stumbled around a lot and dropped his glasses a few times. Nobody was sure whether Daiki was supposed to be under the influence of the so-called “liquid luck” potion Felix Felicis or if he’d just gotten into Yuto’s stash of rum. Hours later, they suspected the latter option when Yuto began running frantically around the building shouting “But why is the rum gone??”

~~~

No one had seen Batman-Inoo since the bat-signal incident on Tuesday. The rumors amongst the juniors were that Inoo hid in the shadows, waiting for the right time to appear and help anyone in need. But on Saturday, Doctor-Keito happened to spot the familiar black cape at the other end of the hallway he was walking down. As he got closer, he noticed that Batman-Inoo was with Morimoto Shintaro. 

“Look over there,” Batman-Inoo said gruffly and pointed behind them when Keito stopped beside the pair. Then he took off in a sprint down the hallway with his cape flowing behind him majestically. 

“Why is he running?” Doctor-Keito asked. He was wearing a silly-looking fez hat on his head. 

“Because we have to chase him,” Shintaro answered in a serious tone. “Because he’s the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So, we’ll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he’s not our hero. He’s a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A Dark Knight.”

Doctor-Keito blinked in confusion at the odd speech. 

Shintaro shrugged. “He paid me to say that.” 

 

**Sunday (Day 7)**  
JUMP didn’t have work on Sunday, but it was the last day of the challenge, so they gathered together at Yabu’s apartment again to make sure they stayed in character until the very end of the challenge. As it had been the entire week, things were still chaotic as the different personalities clashed together, but they knew they were close to the finish line. Just a few more hours and they could be themselves again.

“Well! I’m actually feeling rather good about this. I think we’ve all arrived at a very special place eh? Spiritually. Ecumenically. Grammatically,” Captain Yuto said. He lurched forward and stood close to Yabu. “I want you to know that I was rooting for you, Hamlet. Know that.” He lightly patted Yabu’s frilly doublet as if he was wiping dirt off his hands.

Captain Yuto then turned to Takaki. “Yankumi, it would never have worked between us, darling. I’m sorry.”

Takaki made an _Are you kidding me?_ look.

“Gandalf,” Yuto said, turning to face Yamada. “…nice hat.”

Yamada smirked.

Captain Yuto climbed up onto the windowsill. All of a sudden, Chinen popped up from wherever he was hiding and pulled out a Pokéball. “I’m finally going to catch the elusive legendary pirate Pokémon!” He tossed the Pokéball at Yuto who managed to duck the flying object before it bounced off his head. 

Yuto threw one of his arms up in the air. “This is the day that you will always remember as the day you _almost_ caught Captain Jack Sparrow!”

And then, of course, he lost his grip and fell out the window. 

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Just in case anyone was curious, Yabu declared that they all passed the challenge! Yay!
> 
> Fun Fact: Ash Ketchum's name in the original Japanese Pokemon is Satoshi. I actually realized that after I'd picked that for Chinen. Irony, ya'll. 
> 
> Another Fun Fact: In Shakespeare's day, "nunnery" was also slang for a brothel...
> 
> And for your viewing pleasure: [That scene](http://youtu.be/pWMDZrirCkA/) from Pirates of the Caribbean that Yuto quotes in the end of the story. 
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment! I always love to chat! ^_^


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